Speaking in tongues....

I was a French major in college, so maybe this post will be a wee bit biased, but I think it's awful that kids today only seem to want to take Spanish. OK, yes, I'm fully aware that Spanish is becoming more and more present in American culture, and it's certainly a wise decision to learn the language that may become the lingua franca in a few decades (well, before China decides to invade us, but that's another story). However, I feel that youths are shortchanging themselves by not learning multiple languages, particularly a language as beautiful and sophisticated as French. It seems like eons ago that French was considered the international language, and it intrigues me that it's been replaced by English, because I've always felt that English is the most difficult Western language to master, for a few reasons:

1) Our language, perhaps more than any other, borrows from other languages. We're like The Guy on the Couch, just freeloading off the words that other cultures have taken centuries to develop (and we never even help clean up after the parties....). The majority of our words come from Latin, Greek, and Germanic tongues; however, we have incorporated words from French (bouquet, chic), Arabic (algebra, alcohol, checkmate), Inuit (kayak), German (angst, kindergarten), Cantonese (ketchup), Japanese (tycoon), Spanish (alligator, ten-gallon hat), and about 50 other world languages. And when we can't find an appropriate word? We make them up! See: truthiness, ginormous, etc. To be fair, since the US is now the world's leading exporter of culture - God help us all - English words keep popping up in other languages, so maybe the increased exposure helps our foreign friends pick up a bit of English. However....

2) The number of expressions in English is quite mind-boggling, and I'm not even talking about "burn the midnight oil" or "put all your eggs in one basket." I mean the simplistic terms that we hardly ever think about; for example, take the word get - it means "reach", "achieve", "understand", "receive", etc. By adding a preposition, we totally change the meaning, so we end up with "get over" (move on), "get off" (um... find pleasure), "get up" (rise), "get out" (leave), "get across" (convey), "get down" (boogie), "get through" (endure), "get away" (escape), "get in" (enter), "get by" (manage), and so on and so forth.... Just a little tweak changes everything. And believe me, our language is most definitely tweaked.

3) The proper spelling and pronunciation of English can be a hassle. In French and Spanish (for the most part), what you see is what you get. One letter or letter combination is pronounced exactly the same across the board. In English, however, similarly spelled words can have different pronunciations depending on context; for example, the past tense of "I read the book" is also "I read the book." And partly as a result of our borrowing nature, there's hardly a consistent method for spelling or pronouncing words. There are at least six ways to pronounce "-ough" in our language. SIX! Which genius linguist thought that that was OK? And why didn't someone like Noah Webster just say "F**k this" and fix the problem?.... And while they were at it, eliminate the silent letters from words, too? We have words with a silent B (debt), C (indict), G (phlegm), H (rhyme), K (knit), M (mnemonic), N (damn), P (receipt), S (island), T (depot), and W (wrong). And that was just off the top of my head! If I sound a bit like Syme from 1984 there, I apologize, but our language could just be so much simpler. With all the spelling rules and their exceptions (and the exceptions to the exceptions), it's a wonder that anyone who wasn't born here can still be proficient in English.

But the sad reality, of course, is that most foreigners speak and write our language better than we do. So perhaps before we start teaching our kids how to say "Tengo una cita con Anita", maybe we should be teaching them the proper spelling for "lose", "ridiculous", and "definite", or the proper usage of "you're" and "your". In the end, though, I do believe that it is just as important for kids to learn multiple languages at an early age. It helps them become more aware of other cultures and worldviews, which usually means that they'll be less likely to turn into a miserable bigoted prick when they get older. And from my travels abroad (hey, Quebec counts), I can assure you that if you try to speak the native language - even if you suck at it - you'll be welcomed more warmly by the natives. Respect transcends language, but command of a language can earn you respect. So that's why I feel that learning foreign languages is always a sound investment.

[Oh, and for you fellas in college, I'll let you in on a little secret - French courses are loaded with gorgeous girls, and there is little to no competition from other guys. Granted, at the outset, most of the girls will probably think you're pédé, but hey, you've got a whole semester to change that. Go get 'em, tiger!]

A bientôt, mes amis! ("Peace out, bitches!")

-Ciolf